It's been too long, I know!

Okay so I said I'd put pictures up on the blog of Jaclyn's Wedding... but there are so many it's crazy!!!! So here is just one of them with all of Jaclyn's friends and family.... I think I'm turned around in this one... ha ha Anyways doesn't she look like a princess! 

So this semester is going. It's half way through and I'm pretty dang sure I'm going to get a B in one of two of my classes and get an A- in the others. I've been so tired and busy that I just haven't been doing my normal straight A work in classes and you know what.... I'm tired of caring whether I have straight As or not. It's not that big of a deal, right? I mean I am almost 22 years old and I've kicked my bottom in college it's time to take a B just because I don't have the energy to put in the effort... that sounds bad huh? Well anyways I've been having mini panic attacks about all the work I have to do, but luckily I've been way blessed in being able to control myself better! It's great!!!! As soon as I start freaking out a little about all I have to get done, I sit and breathe and say to myself, ya know Orchid It's not that big of a deal.... this semester will be over soon, you'll graduate and you'll be on your way to student teaching! 

Which is coming soon by the way... I student teach this Fall and this summer hopefully I'll just be working trying to save money for Student Teaching. I'm excited for my life to keep going. I This is really random but I just love the Temple. This week I had the blessed opportunity to go twice! Who ever gets that kind of time! I don't know but I think Heavenly Father gave that to me because I was so tired and needed a break from the world and came into his world. I love the peace and serenity you feel in the Temple. It gives me so much hope that life will go on ....lol I'm so dramatic... 

Anyways I love the crazy trials that life throws at you. I know that I'll be getting so crazy ones soon and I've been getting crazy ones this semester... Basically this semester has been absolutely INSANE, but it'll be okay... Right? 

ha ha it's 1:45 in the morning I'm just goin nuts.... 

selfishness...

I’m the worst friend ever…. I’ve been so self abosorbed in my life lately…. All I do in wallow in my own self pity….. OH poor Orchid all her friends are married and she’s not even dating anyone… Wow does that not sound absolutely pitiful… I even forgot my bestfriend’s birthdays… Tiffani’s 21^st birthday and I forgot Lindsay’s 22^nd birthday…. I forgot my Dad’s birthday earlier this year in January ( January 5^th) … and I forgot Katie’s 23^rd birthday January 28^th….

 

I have been so selfish because of my stupid little feelings…. I barely call my friends anymore…

 

I don’t hang out with anyone and constantly only worry about MY grades, and MY feelings, and MY health…. I’ve been so SELFISH and SELF ABSORBED…

 

To all those who feel like I have forgotten about them I promise I haven’t I promise I’m just trying to get over a very very hard virus… ya know…. The virus: Selfishness! Hm….. funny funny….

 

Why would anyone want to date someone who was so wrapped up in her own self pity she forgot her best friends birthdays? I’ve become a bitter spinster and all I am worried about is what the world will think of me being almost 22 and not even in a relationship that’s heading in the path of marriage or even seriousness at all… Everytime I go to a party with all my married friends or engaged friends all they do is say how they have to get me married and how is the dating thing coming along, are you dating anyone? Why aren’t you married… that’s my favorite question since I have SOOO much control over it…. Honestly do you really think I know why I’m not married? I just feel like in the culture of the church it is so relevant for me to be married at this time and to be having children which is not something that I don’t want, but it’s something that hasn’t come yet in my life. I just haven’t found the boy…. Or the boy hasn’t found me either way it hasn’t happened….. and honestly with the plan of salvation one of the reasons we’re here and really of the MOST important reasons is to find our eternal companion and great a life together to bring children into this world and raise them righteously and honestly I have such a GREAT desire for that, but I can’t force it… I can’t just say I want it now and get it now…. Things like this happen on the Lord’s time but in the mean time I wish I wasn’t so selfish….

 

I know this entry is a wah wah wah entry but I almost feel like I don’t know who to talk to…. I’m afraid to say this to anyone’s face so I’m just going to write it out to the world as if it’s a void that won’t reply because I don’t want pity hugs or pity things said to me like, “ oh you’ll find him one day” or “ you’re beautiful, I don’t understand” or “it’s coming soon, I can feel it” …. I need to focus on others more… I’m too into myself…. It’s 2:32 in the morning and I’m not asleep…. I probably should go to bed soon…. Sweet dreams.... Goodnight void…. Goodnight world…. 

Wedding Day!

Today Jaclyn got married! 

I cried so much. I love this girl so much. I don't have pictures up yet but hopefully I'll get them up monday. 

Jaclyn's one of my best friends. There are very few people in the world that I feel that I really will keep in touch with them for the rest of my life. Jaclyn is one of them. She has given me so much confidence, and taught me so much in my life of where true confidence comes from. I love that girl so much and only wish and pray and hope that her dreams came true today and will ffor the rest of her life... 

Where is the reverence?

This is a post to just let out all my anger.... 

I just don't understand, when you are 23, 24, 25 years old shouldn't you be more mature than to make faces or be irreverent in sacrament meeting or during ward choir. 

Thank goodness Ward Choir Director is not my calling. I do not feel the spirit in my Ward this semester because some people are so rude. They talk while in sacrament, they don't listen to the speakers, they don't listen to the hymns... They're ridiculous how they don't even seem to respect the actual passing of the sacrament! 

I'm not trying to be Molly Mormon or try to be Self Rigteous, but seriously we're all over the age of 18 have some maturity please.... 

Side Effects...

Warning Sign

Be careful there are many side effects to this life....

SO I've been thinking a lot about my life lately. I'm on this medicine right now and they just put me on a higher dosage and I've been exhausted. I'm really tired all the time and my doctor thinks that it could be the medicine I'm taking because I'm healthy.... They've taken so many tests on my little body and I'm apparently one of the healthiest people ever! ha ha... I hope I figure out what's wrong with me soon.... 

So about life... I've been thinking a lot about of my life.... It's really interesting... In my little bubble world many people think that at my age I should be married or I should be in a steady relationship... it's not that I don't want to be in one it's just that there hasn't been an opportunity in my life were me and a boy have had the same amount of feelings for each other to commit. I'm actually really happy about my life though. I work really hard to get good grades,  I have wonderful friends that love me, I have a healthy family, I am blessed with with this amazing gospel, with my amazing opportunities to serve on this campus, with my amazing opportunity to be given a scholarship to go to school here. I do love so much to be here in Rexburg. 

For the side effects... There are people that think of me as being odd and look down at me for not being  in a relationship! I feel like that is something that I have left in the hands of Heavenly Father. I'm social enough, most people at my school if they don't know me personally know of me... things will work out... I know they will 

I wish Christmas was still here...

I miss the spirit of Christmas... I know we can have it all year but I miss it.... Christmas didn't feel like Christmas this year....  

As long as there's Christmas 

I truly believe 

that hope is the greatest of the gifts we'll receive 

As long as a guiding star 

shines above 

there'll always be christmas 

let there always be a time where the world is filled with peace and love 

As airheaded and as Mrs. America as this sounds around Christmas time that's when I feel that the world is most at peace.... 

I miss Christmas 

I'm in love

with my roommate Brighton. shes the best :) the end!